The fact that my beard is turning gray is my only claim to fame.  I turned forty this year and gave up rum and tequila for drinks like Earl Grey Tea and diet Dr. Pepper.  New Years holds no great excitement for me this year.  Things will turn one day to the next just like they always have.  No love gained or lost this year.

I look forward to the passing months as we all journey through winter into spring and the days become longer and hotter inevitable, just like always.  Nothing is too much new any more.  When I am forty, I like to listen to jazz music and watch the midnight hour roll across Europe.  Before it gets to Shreveport, I may have fallen asleep.  Don't wake me up.  Maybe 2011 will turn out to be a nice long and profitable dream for me.

Dreams:  They have been pleasant since the nights got longer this year.  Another reason for the return of my happiness a bird which often winters in nests far and distracted from me.   I have visited with friends from my days in high school in dreams and with leaders of the free world.  We sit and chat about the weather and the color of each others eyes and what kinds of foods we like but can't eat anymore because we are all watching our cholesterol these days.

I comment on the way things used to be so confused and they say they liked how much things used to make us laugh at nothing, at everything, before the internet had all the answers, before things were complicated by such easy access to information and to entertainment.  I ask the woman I used to love in college if things would have been different for us if we had iPhones when we used to date, and then I wake up before she answers.  I wish she had answered my question in that dream.  I would like to know if iPhones make any difference to a romantic youngster like we were.  I like being single these days; it can bring a peace at home, once I get over the acute sense of distance between people in this world.

There is always work when writing is considered.  It's the profession of the Perfectionist and the Underachiever, the Dreamer and Downcast.  There seem to be those who want to write as a career and those who just write and will do do whatever it takes to support the habit of writing.  Whatever it takes may be getting by on as little actual work as possible so as to have time to ponder the depths of Plot and Characterization and such things that writers occupy their time thinking about over a cup of coffee or at the neighborhood pool hall.  I have stayed up all night hamburger joints talking to writers who try to compose the entire novel before they spill out the first few paragraphs onto the typewriter page.  They wait.  They hang out.  They imbibe in the most wonderful indulgences.  All in the name of writing.  I know you have seen it too and it surprises none of us.  As a matter of fact, where ever I go I look for the writer and the artists holding down the ends of the bar and endlessly hitting on the waitresses for free refills and more sauce with their cold greasy fries.  Anything to pass the time and avoid hitting those keys on the computer.  I look for these semi drifter artistic types with their tattoos and pierced body parts.  We stalk inspiration in the night together.

Christmas Day 2010

It did rain yesterday but only a little. I went to nephew's house in North Highlands and took a few presents to him. It rained on the way back just enough to smear the windshield with watery film that was difficult to see through.

I'm not much on celebrating Christmas per se, but I like classical music and cold weather. Again today the city is pretty quiet, especially on my side of town. Even Wal Mart is closed today. The only things that seem to be open today are Chinese food and Circle K.

I just got back from the Kellett's house. Between three of us we ate a lot of gumbo and pies and talked about our health. Mrs Kellet is 82 years old. She recounted a trip to Haiti and Puerto Rico she took with her husband in the 70's. I told her about my work in a low income neighborhood for a non profit. I think she was trying to tell me that people who are homeless and chronically unemployed are in every country all around the world. I took a few pictures for the record and left with a full stomach and an elevated glucose reading (I have type II diabetes) I pledged to go for a walk at home and get to bed early and try not to eat sweets again until next Christmas.

Now I am at home and I am preparing to walk and take more pictures if it is still enough light. On second thought it has gotten pretty dark by now. Im listening to the mp3 player cycle through Dizzie Gillespe, Modest Mouse, and Pat Metheny. Sleep is what I want, but first I must walk...walk...walk.... Where I should go I don't know. But how I'm gonna get there tonight is by walking.

Now it's after 7pm. Still haven't gone for walk. I think I will just turn in early after a little surfing the channels of satellite tv. There is very little moving around town tonight for me. I don't drink and don't have a car. I hate to drive at night anyway. Plus it's going down to 29 F tonight which is really cold for people around here who love summertime. I could go walk around still, but there are very few things open. Nephew Ernest is in bed with a cold. I should stay indoors tonight to lest I get sick also. Star Wars "New Hope" ( the original one from 1979 or whatever) is on right now. If I am lucky I can watch the end of that movie for the millionth time. It just struck me that in this day million is not such a big number anymore.

Christmas Eve 2010

It is supposed to rain today.  Rain can be nice.  It doesn't freeze here much so ice usually isn't a problem.  It's way before sunrise now.  Things are very peaceful.  Some of the cone incense is burning on the shelf.  No ringing phones, no television at this time of the morning.  I am the only bayou bird awake right now.  It is a nice present from Santa this time of the morning on the day before Christmas.

I never do much for entertaining for Christmas.  I am not much into gift giving either -- at least not the gifts people crowd the stores to buy on December 23rd and 24th.  I am probably not that much alone in preferring to give simpler gifts to most of my friends and relatives.  But I usually succeed in giving even passers-by a genuine smile.  This was not always the case.

I clearly remember being younger in my teens even, and finding it difficult to smile.  Things changed as I grew a little older.  Smiling was reinforced when I was a salesman for a few years.  Funny the changes we can make in order to earn money.  Having a nice smile was essential when selling suits that might cost over $500 to persons I had never really met before.

Salesmanship was not the only factor that influenced the increased frequency of my smiles.  You might think the young women would be more attracted to a smiling salesman, and this may be true.  But in my opinion there came a point when I became hooked on smiling and started doing it for its own sake.  Yes, I began to like the way smiling made me feel.  That came about 2 or 3 years after I started breathing fresh air again.  Fresh air is something I cherish now days.  But admittedly there were some intervening times when I was hoked on things other than smiling and fresh air.  Things you may be familiar with.  But we are not here to talk about those things.  Now the smiles are here and fresh air circulates throughout my body and mind.  I am in the habit of thinking positive in the face of catastrophe and smiling a lot is just the outward manifestation of feeling good on the inside, wouldn't you agree?  In my case, the smiling came before the good feelings. 

Maybe it's things like that about which this blog will be written:  Happiness in the face of adversity, minimalism, and sometimes the downright austere.  I like to think of it as, "how to smile inside without letting on that I am happy doing without this or that which some might consider a necessity of modern living"  Take the fact that I have no car to call my own and I live in a commuter city. But I really like the pace of walking (most of the time.)  And then there is the bus and saving energy and decreasing pollution.  All of these things I am happy to participate doing as I ride the bus and walk and enjoy a more natural pace for my thoughts.  I am a bird in the morning on the Louisiana bayous.  Waterways that meander through urban sprawl unnoticed support life in a daily struggle with the encroaching vain and myopic vision of Progress.  I have my own visions of things in store for humanity and although I smile and breathe fresh air today, I wonder how much longer this fragile planet can bleed fossil fuels and choke on our pursuit of things apparently more desirable than fresh air itself.  I smile because I know we are doing it and I smile because maybe it is all I can do to be smiling my part watching the new day begin after this long night.